Custody battles are not easy. However, there is a reason why the term ‘battle’ is in it. During a divorce, couples with kids have to go through the burden of custody as well.
A peaceful or mutual divorce is a rare scenario. Instead, we mostly see warring divorces. However, we understand that no one wants a warring situation in their lives.
Therefore, we are here with 12 tips to win in child custody battles. These tips will help you win custody while having as much peace in your life as possible.
Watch Your Behavior
Your behavior will take you a long way in such a situation. No matter the reason behind your parting with your partner, do not let that cloud your judgments.
It is undoubtedly difficult not to project the anger of your parting in your behavior with your partner. However, it would be best to be very cautious about how you express that in your behavior.
That is because this behavior can turn into the reason why you lose everything. Hence, be very careful about your behavior and do not lose your calm.
Conversations as Evidence
You have to be highly conscious about what you say around your partner. It is more like you are tip towing around them. Anything you say is documentation of the person you are, or you turn into in certain circumstances.
Therefore, you cannot say anything usable to prove that you are an unreliable parent. The good thing is the situation is vice-versa. You can do the same with your departing partner. Notice very properly everything that your partner says.
I am sure you will document some of it, and your lawyer will use it. Hence, stay careful about what you are saying and pay attention to what your partner is saying.
Keep Your Emotions under Control
Divorces are emotional and painful, yet it is best to keep away your emotions. As I have mentioned earlier, your emotion can cloud your decisions. Let it be your anger or your love; both of the feelings can affect your choices.
As you have reached the point of a divorce, it is safe to assume that there is nothing much left in the relationship. However, we humans are incredibly emotional creatures who tend to drag relationships even when there is nothing left of it.
Under such circumstances, if you carry the relationship, no good can come out of it. Only it will become more toxic. Thus, stick to your decisions and do not let emotions come in between. Because if that happens, you will regret the rest of your life for your impulsiveness.
Always Give Mediation a Shot
During custody battles, meditation can help not to turn it into a battle. Instead, mediation means taking the assistance of an unbiased third party to plan your parenting guide.
A mediator helps to form a reasonable plan with parenting time and everything else. There are reports that parents who mediated could co-parent more peacefully.
To encourage you more toward mediation, we made a list of benefits that you can gain from it. Here are the perks of meditation.
There is Nothing Unexpected
As you and your partner get to discuss and layout the plan in front of an unbiased third party, you have some control over it. For instance, how will your child spend his/her vacations, with who?
Who will stay with them on weekends? These little details matter and help to keep the situation under control.
The Child Gets a Better Environment
Since mediating makes co-parenting easy, there is no doubt that it is good for the child’s mental health. We all know that parents’ divorce leaves the children devastated.
However, you can control it if you can manage to have a civil relationship with the other parent even after a divorce. That is because there is no doubt that every child needs both of their parents.
Hence, if you can keep your differences aside and make the co-parenting thing work, it will help your child.
Little or No Future Disputes
Even after a formal divorce, ex-partners turn into each other’s biggest enemies as they fail to follow the custody terms. Which eventually turns into a highly bitter experience.
However, this whole situation would not take place if parents consider mediating for custody. Through mediation, both the parent can put out their preferences, and a plan is built based on them.
That is why the whole co-parenting situation becomes peaceful, and there are remains a very slim possibility of future disputes.
You Can Preserve an Amicable Relationship
When parents decide to mediate, they come to mutual terms. The understanding helps them to maintain a healthy relationship keeping their differences apart.
That is how they get the chance to get over their bitter feelings and move forward with an amicable relationship. Who wants extra bitterness in their life, right? So that is why it is a good decision.
Don’t Use the Children as Pawns
It is wise not to bring children in between the divorce issues. Your battle is against the other parent, your ex-spouse or partner, not your child! That is why don’t make it look like that. Even You will face severe consequences if you do so.
Actions That Might Indicate a Parent is Using His/Her Child as a Pawn
The judge will realize if you are trying to manipulate your kids if you do any of the following:
- One parent is not following the visit plans and trying to overthrow every opportunity.
- One parent is making the holidays extra difficult
- One parent is saying bad stuff to the child while the other parent is not present.
- One parent is not letting the child communicate with the other
- One parent is not allowing the child to meet their grandparents (parents of the other parent)
Things to Do If One of the Parents is Using the Kids as a Pawn
If you feel that your child is in such a situation, here are few things you may do:
- Keep thorough notes of when one parent is not following the visit plans
- Don’t react even if you realize the other parent is doing everything deliberately. Remember that is what s/he wants
- However, if you have a difficult time coping with things, you can see a counselor
- When you have enough evidence about the other parent’s pattern, contact your lawyer.
The idea of using a kid as the pawn is not correct. It clearly expresses how wrong you are as an influence on the kid. As a result, someone who uses kids as pawns may lose custody altogether.
Saving up is mandatory. Your financial stability will affect your position in a custody battle a lot. If you are not financially capable of taking care of your kid, there is a high chance you will lose the custody battle. Thus, focus on saving up so that you can take care of your child.
Don’t Trust Anyone Except Your Lawyer
It applies to any case out there. In such situations, you should not give away details to anyone else except your lawyer. That is because any information might work as a weapon against you. Hence, share very carefully and do not give away personal information to anyone except your lawyer.
Give as Little as Possible to the Judge and Lawyer
It is best if you choose to sort things between yourself and your partner as much as possible. Don’t depend on a judge and lawyer for everything. Even judges believe that in custody battles, parents are their best advocates. Thus, it is best to solve matters within yourself as much as possible.
Let Time Do Its Work
Time heals pain. The philosophy is very much applicable in this case as well. With time the bitterness will go away, and your discomfort will pass away too. You will adjust to the new circumstances of your life, and everything will become convenient. Be patient and let time do its job.
Be Informed About Your Kids
No matter how your visit plans are, always know about your kids. If you do not stay updated, the kids might think that you are negligent of them. As a result, the kids will grow apart by themselves. And they can choose with whom they want to live. That is why take good care of your kids.
Cooperate With Your Spouse
If your kids see you are pleasant to their other parents, that will stay with them. They will also learn cooperative behavior, and their mental situation will remain stable. We understand that often after a custody battle, it gets difficult to stay friendly with the partner. However, put your kids before yourself and do it for them.
If you can keep yourself together during the entire divorce procedure, your life will get better. Therefore, no matter how difficult the situation gets, stay calm and have patience. You will get a peaceful outcome.